oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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