I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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