sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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