All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I have demons in me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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