eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
