I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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