Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
