my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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