Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you still have your period?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
