hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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