Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
