This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
