I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
