I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
