Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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