So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize