He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
