3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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