wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
