Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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