Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
