Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The uberlube is also flammable
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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