why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
