He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
