Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
