We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I looked at my own cervix.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
