we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
