Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
