I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
