Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
