Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize