My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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