Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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