no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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