So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize