I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
is this the sara with the beer cane?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
