You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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