Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
