I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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