My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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