the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
