I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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