I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Oh god it's open bar.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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