I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
