I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize