I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
