i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
