What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
