Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
