Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
