I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
