naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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