You smell like stripper and shame
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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