somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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