this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
