Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
