Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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