Where are you?
In a non slutty way
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
