you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
