I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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