do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
