Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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