I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
