with your own penis?
So drunk its hurt
someone threw a dead crab at me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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