I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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