I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
