How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
