Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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