does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
