I'm going to jail i love you
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
