did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
