I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
