remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
