i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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