I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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