one two three fourrrrnication!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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