Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
