The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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