He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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