so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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