I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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