Don't you send me to vm
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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