So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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