Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
