I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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