..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
