Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
