dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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