hotel room ftw
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize