It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
