i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
