so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
