my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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