You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
