i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
