So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
