Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
