would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
