listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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