I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
