I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
