birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
