Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
