hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
