This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
