but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
