Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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