Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
