i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
