I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
