i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
