Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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