i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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