I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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