I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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