Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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