The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Hippo gnu deer
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
