remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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