Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
